1. Breakfast for Sausages
'The Three Monkeys' Bar and Grill.
A cacophony of boisterous voices, music, and song emanated from out of our sanctuary. Dark brown timber panelling, alcohol stained, port-wine coloured carpet. Tables and chairs of unequal shape, size, and make. It was an altogether disparate establishment. And we liked it so.
Located within close proximity to the University of Sydney, the bar was surrounded by terrace houses, flats, and a small shopping centre. It was a difficult place to find if you weren’t familiar with the region. My friend Tomas had often commented ‘it would be easier for a virgin to find a clitoris than to find the Three Monkeys’
The Bar was usually frequented by students. Today appeared no different with students milling about, enjoying each other’s company as well as the company of their intoxicating beverages.
A difference existed in the minds of the students, however. Today was the last day of their exams and it was due time for celebration. Some celebrated the end of another year and of the holidays that were to come. We celebrated the end of university itself, and the beginning of our hitherto hard-worked-for professional lives.
Tammy and I had arrived early enough (perhaps unnecessarily) to acquire our favourite table in the back end of the bar. It was quieter here – this likely due to the fact that the bars toilets were located within a close proximity. The stink didn't bother us. We had grown accustomed to such smells over the past few years. That same stink would assuredly have to linger with us for a few more years to come.
“He was supposed to be here when we arrived.” Tammy admonished sipping her bourbon and coke.
“It’s alright. Tomas has always been a late comer. Lectures, parties, funerals…you name it and he’ll be late for it.” I said smiling furtively.
“Well he’d best be on time for our wedding”
“Set a date yet?”
“No. Nothings confirmed. It’s not easy thinking about future wedding plans when you’ve got those damn final catechisms hanging over your head.”
“Well, those ‘catechisms’ are over for now” I said breathing my own sigh of relief. The final year medical exams weren’t the most difficult. Previously, I’d had to endure much more tiresome and trying exams - Anatomy being a prime example.
These exams had been more of a mental hurdle. Like the last few metres of a marathon when a runner knows he is close to the end of his heat, but not quite. One misplaced step at the end of his run, at his most critical juncture, could spell disaster.
“So? Are you going home for the holidays?” she asked, changing topic as she was apt to do.
“No. Not this year.” I didn’t actually have a home to go to – not a welcome home. “And you?” I asked, quickly turning the question around.
“Yeah... It’s expected yah know?”
“Yeah...” No. I didn’t ‘know’.
“She’s looking at you again”
“Who is?” I asked slightly puzzled. Tammy had suddenly changed topic yet again, catching me completely off guard.
“Madeline! Who else?” She laughed. I was facing Tammy and the toilet cubicles - blind to most of the interior of the bar.
I turned slowly. Behind me, the Bar and its patrons went about their business. On the far side of the room past dozens of students, stood Madeline. She was looking in our direction, holding a pool cue in one hand, no doubt waiting for her turn in an ongoing game of pool. She wore her usual black attire – black boots, black skirt, and a black blouse. Her dazzlingly red shoulder length curls of hair setting her alight.
“Oh.” I droned. Turning back to Tammy I took a large swig from the beer glass before me.
“She’s playing pool with Giuseppe.” Tammy chuckled. “You two have always had a thing going on haven’t you? What’s stopping the two of you from getting to know each other on a more intimate level?”
‘Me’ I silently thought to myself. “I think you’re imagining things Tammy.”
“Imagining? Everyone sees it Sean. If anyone’s imagining...”
“Hey guys” It was Tomas at last.
With relief I turned to Tomas and quickly changed the topic for my own benefit. “Where have you been pal? You can stop studying now you realise?”
“I’ll say” added Tammy “And you can also start paying more attention to your fiancé”
“Ha-Ha. Just been clearin’ my room out. It’s time to move on and all. Y’know?”
“Well why don’t you move on tomorrow? What’s the rush?” Tammy asked as she kissed Tomas with an odd, angry hunger. “It’s time to have some fun.”
Tomas was still wearing a long sleeve shirt, pants, and a tie printed with daffodils – Tammy’s favourite flower. They were the same clothes he’d been wearing during his clinical examination earlier today. I’d since changed to
The start of a novel ? Can someone read this and tell me what they think please.?
Nicely done for a first attempt! On the down side, I found there were way too many descriptives, especially in the first few sentences. To use an old writer's cliche, %26quot;show, don't tell%26quot;. Other then that, I'm not sure what your story line is because the excerpt is so short. On the positive, your dialogue flows very well and your characters interactions are good. Your excerpt is edited well (seriously, thanks for that!) and it is easy to read. Good luck and keep writing!
The start of a novel ? Can someone read this and tell me what they think please.?
tu for ur kind words of encouragement.
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